Takes Me Back

Music always takes you back. It takes you back to your first date, your first kiss. High school. Prom, the summer. It reminds you of years and seasons, moments. Events. Minutes, seconds and whole days. 

I watched the first two seasons of Orange is the New Black while Jack was in the hospital. I was hooked, like everyone else, because it’s addicting. Today, season three came out, and I have been dying to start it. 

Only, when I did, I found myself with tears streaming down my cheeks, and a large ball of anxiety suddenly in my stomach. It takes me back to those lonely, terrifying nights in the hospital with my baby, as I rocked him and watched him sleep. He and I shared a lot of Netflix time, but OITNB was the only show I watched 100% in those hideous pastel rooms. 

The theme song is haunting as it is, and for it to bring back the memories it does… well, I wasn’t expecting the deluge. 

Yet, as I was crying, I looked over at my beautiful, happy, just-got-his-first-tooth, big boy sleeping, and it’s amazing how much different he is from the last time I heard the opening song. 

“Taking steps is easy, standing still is hard.” — “You’ve Got Time” by Regina Spektor

Regina was wrong, because all of the steps he’s made in his progress are the result of incredibly hard work. Nothing easy about it. 

My mind will never remove the association between that very difficult time in our lives and this show, but every time I watch it, I get to smile and be proud of how far he’s come. 

The tears are worth it. 

I See You Staring…

I see you staring.

My kids are super gorgeous, I know. They have those cheesy baby smiles and are a perfect blend of me and my husband — my daughter inheriting my blue eyes and my husband’s sandy blonde hair, and my son sporting my dark hair and my husband’s deep brown irises.

Their manners are above reproach, as well. That’s not to say my daughter’s threenager attitude doesn’t pop out sometimes or my son’s 1-year-old confusion of the world doesn’t cause some tantrums, but on the whole, they are happy, sweet kids.

Though, I know you’re not staring because they are over-the-top adorable to look at or because you’ve never seen such darling manners in kids this tiny.

You’re looking at my son’s tiny hand, aren’t you? Or perhaps you see us hooking a tube to a device on his stomach. Or you’ve noticed how one of his eyes never blinks.

More…