Where do I even start? It’s… no. There are no words.
Wait. There are always words.
Frustrated. Discouraged. Scared. Failure. Ticking time bomb. Exasperated. Edgy.
All words used to describe my week and my emotions.
Last week I went in for mid-back X-rays due to pain I’d been having. No big deal, just wanted to make sure I didn’t have a bulging disc or something.
I didn’t. However, the radiologist saw a nodule in my lung; a 7-8 mm nodule. I’m having a CT on Wednesday.
WHAT THE EFF, MAN?!
A break. It would be nice for our family to catch one.
The punches kept on coming. Jack’s geneticist appointment went fine, except for when she added a diagnosis of Moebius Syndrome on top of everything. A mild case, but still. Look it up, it’s not pretty.
Reeling from that, but hoping for a positive result from his swallow study, we pressed on. Did he pass? No. Still aspirating everything, even thickened bananas. I couldn’t cry surrounded by three speech pathologists and a radiologist, so I shoved my tears aside.
They’re falling now.
And, we’re not even done. Tomorrow he has appointments with neurology and nephrology (kidneys). Let’s see what more bad news we can pile on.
I’m sick to my core. Panic attacks and aching deep in the pit of my stomach. I just want my kids to live happy, full lives. And, I want to be around to see it.
Stupid, STUPID week.