Selfless. Positively, 100% selfless. You know how I know? Because they have the insight to know that they don’t have the time to give kids the attention they deserve, and they don’t want to resent a child that didn’t ask to be born.
Earlier this evening, while our son was crying in his swing, and our daughter was throwing a tantrum on the floor, I took my husband’s hand, and led him to the hallway, where we shut the door, and witnessed absolute silence (the air conditioning unit drowns out any sound from the living areas.)
I looked him in the eyes, and said, “Remember when we didn’t have kids? And, we did anything we want, whenever we want? And, when we had a headache, we could easily find someplace to close our eyes and enjoy a little quiet time? Remember that?”
Yes, he did, and I could see the longing in his eyes for the days when Peppa Pig and Buzz Lightyear didn’t dominate our television.
We took another few moments, shared a hug and and a kiss, and went back out to our little minions– minions we willingly created. We chose to put their happiness in front of our own (really, we try to make them happy… maybe screaming makes them happy, I don’t know!).
Couples who know they don’t want kids don’t make that decision lightly, just as most parents who choose to have kids don’t make it lightly. They are being selfless by not bringing a tiny tot into the world that isn’t going to be the center of the world– which IS what kids deserve.
You don’t have to have kids to be a part of society– it’s not a requirement. You don’t have to be called mommy or daddy to find meaning in life. You don’t have to be forced into creating mini-me’s when you don’t want any.
It’s selfless. So, people need to lay off the whole, “When are you gonna have a baby?! Don’t you want to be a mom/dad? There’s nothing like it!”
Maybe for them. Not for everyone. For me, yes, I WANT to be mommy. I’m laying in bed watching Toy Story 3 with my biggest screamer, while she cuddles my arm. I’m in love. But, it’s not always kisses and smiles. It’s a lot of work. And, I chose it.
But, if someone chooses not to, respect their choice, and realize it’s just as valid a decision as the choice to reproduce.
We only get one life to live, and we should all live it the way we want.