I’m Missing It

Today, I’m angry.

Our normal schedule of switching shifts at 5 p.m. had to be altered due to us needing to attend the G-Button class today at 2. So, at 1:30, I showered, gathered my overnight bag, and prepared to walk out the front door of my mom’s house.

Just then, Sydney skipped down the hallway in her rainbow bathing suit, and her Hello Kitty sunglasses, positively giddy to be headed outside to the pool with Grannie. She waved, and said, “Bye, mommy!”

This. Is. Not. Fair.

She is only 2 once. She will have this summer, at this exact age, ONCE. I will never, ever get this day back with her. I lost it forever.

I want my summer back with my daughter. I’m missing it. She’s missing it.

Not only that, but Jackson is missing it, too. He’s in here, away from the sunlight, away from fresh air, away from his sister. He’s missing time spent on his tummy, looking around, absorbing the world. I truly believe he’s grasped the concept of these ugly, pale walls. Time for some trees and sunshine!

An entire season is passing us by while we sit in this square box and listen to the doctors find reason after reason to prolong our stay.

I just want out. I want to be a mom to both of my kids at the same time, and to finally feel normal again. I don’t care if we have to build a hospital in his room, just let us go home!

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